Who am I?

2-4-6-oh-wahhhh!

Ahem. Sorry.

Somewhere along the line, in the last year or so, I lost my weight-loser identity. I had my surgery and was done. I TOLD myself I wasn’t done, but my subconscious was like, dude you’re totally done, go nuts. Crack and I started getting serious, which meant going out all the time with not a care in the world about what I put in my body.

I stopped blogging. I stopped reading blogs. I barely tweeted and would only post updates here and there on Facebook about my half-assed attempts to get back on the wagon. You guys aren’t idiots; you almost always know the deal when a blogger does that = they’ve gained weight.

Let’s cut to the chase. The highest recent weight I’ve seen on the scale is 180.8. I came dangerously close to ripping off the 100 pounds lost badge on my vest. My heart fell into my surgically repaired stomach. I got sad…real sad. But I didn’t wonder how I got there; I knew exactly what I’d done. That was my weight on September 1st.

So I got serious about losing it, finally. I tracked every day on Weight Watchers. After many, many attempts over the last two years, I finally finished Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women. The end result was a loss of five pounds in about five and a half weeks.

…And then we went on vacation. Despite being in hilly San Francisco and walking everywhere, reaching my highest step count ever at 26K, and then cooking our own healthy meals in the cabin at Big Sur, I managed to gain four pounds back. Maybe I should be thanking my lucky stars it was only four pounds. I mean, there was a lot of booze and pretzels and decadent breakfast meals had up there.

It took me a few more days (and a cousin’s wedding) to snap out of vacation mode before getting back into it, and now I’m in stage 2, week 2 of New Rules. This stage includes cardio intervals and slightly more emphasis on core – both of which I suck at. I’m welcoming the “beating” my body is getting though. Even though I significantly upped the weight each week in stage 1, I never felt completely and utterly wiped at the end of any workout like I have been in stage 2.

My eating has become an amalgamation of points tracking and straight up calorie counting. I’m calorie counting mostly because I want to make sure I’m getting all my protein in and not going overboard on sugar (e.g., fruit). It’s been working well for me. I generally do not have cravings and don’t feel I need to repent for eating a peanut butter cup.

I don’t know my exact weight, but it is somewhere in the mid 170s. Oy…it doesn’t sting as much to say that anymore, but it did for a little while. I hated even scrolling through the depths of my camera roll because if I saw my former smaller self I’d get all sad again. Eh, I can only blame myself for having to go through this again, so I shall suck it up and move on.

Pictures! The top row is from September 1st, and the bottom row is from earlier today. By the way, even at my lowest weight and right after my tummy tuck, I still had that little apron of skin hanging over. The surgeon can only remove so much to allow me to still move in the torso.
Photo Oct 25, 3 37 16 PM

No mindblowing differences, but just enough to let me know that I’m at least doing something right. And yeah, I totally need a new sports bra (this one is pre-boob surgery).

Does this mean I’ll be regularly blogging again? Probably no more frequently than once or twice a month. But you can always catch me on Instagram or Facebook! Until next time…

7 thoughts on “Who am I?

  1. Carrie
    October 25, 2014 at 5:47 PM

    Great you are back on track, it’s hard! I love following your story. Curious how you told crack about your weight loss and tummy tuck. I am having a TT soon and thinking of dating again (after a long time) I have fears about this! 🙂

    Carrie

    1. Mae
      October 25, 2014 at 6:07 PM

      Hi Carrie! Crack has seen me at allll different weights. When we first met I think I was still in the low 200s. I mentioned my original weight somewhere in the middle and he seemed indifferent, but then again we were just casual back then. He’s also seen all my loose skin and was very supportive of my surgery.

      When I was dating a lot, I only brought up the weight loss thing once in a while. If I felt comfortable with the guy and the topic arose organically. If the guy has any sort of negative reaction at all, he’s not worth your time! A nice guy will find your success awesome and will like you even more because of it. 🙂

      1. Carrie
        November 3, 2014 at 4:34 PM

        Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. Can’t wait for my TT.

  2. Deb
    November 1, 2014 at 10:20 PM

    Ugh. You and me both! I got so off track and am up 30 pounds form my lowest weight. Not happy at all but its my own damned fault and I am the only one who can fix that! Time for some serious ass kicking and to get back to it again and stay there!

    Saw your Halloween pics earlier on Instagram- you guys looked great!

  3. November 17, 2014 at 6:23 PM

    You are doing amazing. I can see the difference. Keep it up girl. We all fall off the wagon sometimes. Best thing to do is just start fresh. Look at every day as a new day to meet your goals. You can do it!

  4. December 31, 2014 at 12:50 PM

    I just happened to click on over to your blog today and read this. Thanks for being REAL and keeping it real. The hardest thing in the world is gaining back weight after you’ve lost a great amount. It seems to creep on SO easily and quickly and you don’t even realize it until you can’t fit into your new, cute, tiny clothes any more. I think that (for a lot of us) it might take a couple of attempts to figure out what will keep the weight off for good. And really, it’s a lifetime struggle. Just know you are not alone! And- you still look just as beautiful as ever!! <3

  5. January 7, 2015 at 7:52 AM

    Nice post, I enjoyed reading it. You are an inspiration to other, nothing is impossible if you push yourself to achieve what you want, we just need hard work, patience and perseverance.