Everyday I’m Strugglin’

I may be out of the woods, but my clothes are still a muddy mess and there are twigs and leaves stuck to my hair. Every day is still a battle with myself to not eat that second serving of Popchips, or to get off the couch, suit up and do my workout for the evening. The only difference is I’m actually eating right and working out this time instead of blowing it off during my nutritional walkabout. Maybe I’m just not remembering correctly, but I feel like just a few months ago I would often say how easy and second-nature this lifestyle was to me. Surely, I jinxed myself. But whatever, I’ll just have to get over it.

Last Tuesday, the unthinkable happened. I got my period, AGAIN. Remember, I had just finished a nearly 3-week long stint a week and a half prior. My new pill pack didn’t have me due for another couple weeks, but strangely my Period Tracker app predicted it exactly. Thankfully it only lasted the normal four days, so maybe I am somewhat getting back to normal again. With this unexpected visitor, I once again weighed in on Friday while on my period:

Week 63 Results
Weight: 160.8
Difference: -1.0
Total Loss: 122.5lbs.

When I got on the scale and “only” saw a one pound loss, I was mildly annoyed for a minute. For some reason I was feeling really good about my week and thought I might at least break out of the 160s. And I just looked at my weigh-in history and I’ve been in the mothafuggin’ 160s for two months. Eventually I snapped out of it and remembered that a full pound is still pretty good, and that I’ll just have to tackle the 150s this week. Hopefully.

Despite all the whining above, I am actually in good spirits. I am okay with myself. Maybe a little too okay with myself, hence the reason for my rebellion against all that is good for my body. There are a handful of clothes in my wardrobe that didn’t fit me when I first bought them, so to the back of the closet they went. Every so often I would try them on and say nope, not yet. Another few pounds to shed first.

One of the items was not actually clothes, but boots I bought way back in either December of January. They are purple and suede and slouchy and fabulous, but for the longest time, my monster calves wanted nothing to do with them. It is dead in the middle of July, but they finally fit. Though it has been uncharacteristically cool, and downright cold at night, so there is a slight chance I may be able to wear them before my legs get too skinny. Ha! My legs, skinny. That’s hilarious.

The other item is a super cute, sweetheart neckline bustier top from where else but Modcloth.com. I am usually a medium in all of their stuff, but the reviews were suggesting that people size up. Throughout my weight loss I’ve learned that, unless I want to replace my wardrobe every two weeks, I should opt for the smaller sizes of clothes because I will fit into them sooner than later.

I look back not-so-fondly at the day this top arrived and I tried it on. Sort of. It was hot out, I was kinda sweaty, and it was clear the top was way too small for me at the time, but I struggled into it anyway. Nearly dislocated a shoulder in doing so. Just like I already knew, it wouldn’t zip up. But because the fabric did not provide much stretch (the back is smocked but I had already stretched it to its limit) it was stuck. I could not get it off. After a few minutes of trying to bend my limbs in unnatural positions, I decided that this poor, brand new top, would have to be cut off of me with scissors. I actually went to go fetch my scissors to do just that, but instead sat and relaxed for a moment. With a little more bending, sucking in, and patience, I got that fucking thing off. And now, two months later, it fits perfectly. So glad I didn’t slice it open.

Other exciting happenings this week: on Wednesday, I’m going to have a hydrostatic body composition test done at the gym down the street from my office. For those not familiar, it is the most accurate way to determine your body fat percentage. Why? I don’t know, I’m sure I read about it somewhere but I can’t think of the reason right now. You submerge yourself in water for a few seconds and you find out how fat you are. Seems legit. I just wish I had done this at the beginning of my journey. There’s a TON of shit I wished I did at the beginning so I could really see how far I’ve come, but it’s too late for that now. My advice to you, if you’re starting out, is to document as much of your life as you can. Get the water test done. Take tons of “before” pictures. Definitely take all your measurements on a regular basis. From now on you are one big science experiment.

Thankfully, I do have some pictures from before, which enabled me to make this nifty thing:

3 thoughts on “Everyday I’m Strugglin’

  1. July 16, 2012 at 11:28 AM


  2. Natalie
    July 16, 2012 at 1:08 PM

    SO. You have lost this much weight in how long!? This is amazing, I am lookin for some motivation…. looks like youve got lots to offer. You GO!

  3. Natalie
    July 16, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Oh duh I just saw it….63 weeks! Amazing.